How I Learned to Stop Being a “Chill Girl” and Start Being Me

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The problem was that I was not chill. And I hated it. I yearned to be unburdened from the anxieties of caring and to revel in the magnetism of a breezy attitude. This cultural need to pathologize women who not only take the reins of their identity but also openly engage the full range of their feelings—you know, as a healthy human being tends to—remains a fraught battle as old as time. We are each so deliciously complex and messy; what better way to pay homage to these multiplicities than to feel, to express, and to carve out space to navigate as our purest self?

We may earn commission from links arrange this page, but we only advise products we love. Learn from my youthful emotional dumbassery and don't act as if you don't want to be absolute with someone if you do. You won't win an Oscar for so as to, or even a People's Choice bestow. She wouldn't! Neither should you. My personal chillness journey began, as delicate journeys so often do, shortly afterwards college.

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